Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Laugh at Life~

Assalamua'laikum wbt. & good day,

I feel like to write all the reflections that I had for today as it really makes me grounded upon looking back on things that had happened. It was a mixture of many feeling, from frustrated, angry, funny, relief, nervous, determine and grateful. HAHA

I am still on second day of MC and was advised to go to psychological unit of government hospital today. It was raining cats and dogs and since I had sent an invitation for a syndication meeting to Senior General Manager office, I planned to attend the meeting for a while prior to heading to the hospital. The road that I use to commute daily to and fro office is still under construction for Pan Borneo project but somehow I did not expect that today's rain had led to a quick flash flood in that area.

My heart felt uneasy since the rain portray no sign to stop. I had informed my admin clerk to get the syndication materials ready as I planned to go directly to the meeting's venue. The other side of me convinced me not to go since I am on a valid MC, but the egoist side of me persuade me to proceed to the office since I am the meeting organizer. In spite of that unease feeling, I decided to proceed going to the office and that is where all the one in a million kind of experience begins.

I drove my parent's car, specifically Perodua Kancil since I began my career. As time goes by, I had become more prudent in managing my financial, and after few times of evaluation, that awesome Kancil still serve me very well. 

I saw that the water started to spill over the road but I still had the confident that I will be able to pass through it since I saw many Axias are able to do so. But somehow, in the middle of the road, my car stopped. The engine is unable to be ignited while the water started to enter my car. I am so afraid and burst into tears while calling my usual mechanic. He advised me to turn off the car and just leave for my own safety. The water level keeps increasing and I have to get out from the car using the next door. Somehow, I am a bit lucky as I am wearing a face mask and hence, I trust that no one would recognize me. HAHA :P

I got this from Bintulu Info FB page. Oh Kancil, you did it!
I saw an old uncle keeps looking at me from the side of the road and I ran towards him to explain my condition. My mechanic keeps on calling me to ask exactly where I am, while that uncle is trying to call Bintulu Development Authority (BDA) rescue team. Finally, I do not know who exactly had helped to remove my stranded awesome Kancil, but that car is already in front of the brick factory where I seek for help. A mid-40s man came out from my car telling me "Adik, kereta kamu OK lagi. Masih boleh start." I was blurred that time and the only statement came out from my mouth was, "Boleh tolong bawak ke sini? Saya takut." That man just follow the things I said, passed back the car key to me and leave. And I did not say even a single thank you to anyone who had helped me this morning. :( I hope Allah will ease their life and rewards them with eternal blessings.

After I felt a bit fine, I tried to start the car and thanks God, the engine was magically smooth. My mechanic then called me again to confirm if towing is needed and I told him let me try to test this car inside this brick factory first. But somehow, I only update him on my whereabouts after I reached at car wash station before heading to the hospital.

And thing goes pretty fine, I went to the hospital after my car is clean and I am so grateful that my awesome Kancil is moving smoothly until I reached my home upon complete running my errands. 

Right now, I am smiling and laughing alone when I remembered things that I faced today. Life got too many surprises to offer, and Allah's helps come in many forms. It was like a thriller drama or movie, and I am the main actress who survived at the end of the story. HAHA :D

It reinstate my confidence towards kindness, humanity and the power of believing in instinct. Shall I follow my heart not to proceed heading to the office today, this thing would not happen. But then, having this kind of incident strengthened my belief that we have a lot of kind people around us.

I want to keep this memory here in case I trapped into big problem in future,
I can calmly say that THIS TOO, SHALL PASS!

I am also thankful that the diagnosis today conclude that I am not under depression, but on intermediate level of stress. As a matter of knowledge sharing, I would like to share one fact shared by my psychologist:

"In any situation, try to take a moment of pause in the count of seven. Our brain got two layers, and the first layer is usually animal-dominant kind of thinking. Acting based on this thinking had led many people to regret and sending them to prison. The sensible thinking come from the second layer of our brain which lead us to act in more realistic ways."

To my awesome Kancil, thanks for surviving! You save if not thousands, hundreds of my bucks! Alhamdulillah  :) <3

Till then, have a nice day. Wassalam~

Sunday, October 6, 2019


Assalamua'laikum wbt. & good day,

I am writing again in less than two months’ time. As usual, I always found my remedy through writing. I always hope by articulating all the feelings that I have at current moment into a structured piece of mind, everything will be okay. After all, I always convince myself that this too, shall pass.

I started to realize that sometimes, the heart broken that we had is not necessarily because we did not get what we want. We feel deeply demotivated because of the process, and sometimes we discovered that someone had play the games behind the door in order to stop the opportunity that we supposed to get; although in reality, the moment we officially receive the offer, we might decline it due to several factors. This kind of situation brought us down, and we started to overthink on many bad things that this person could do. As a human being, we severely impacted by the experience that we had, and the experience we had will shape the belief. Like it or not, the action that we take is mostly depending on the belief that we had embedded inside us; be it a truthful one or otherwise.

Batam Miniature House, Indonesia

In my previous post, I did mentioned the story on why I decided to take my sabbatical. With the hope that everything is already fine, I started to gain my motivation back upon resume my duty. But somehow, few incidents happened and the recent one really brings me down. Somehow, it triggers me to think how shameful it is for someone at upper level, with SIX level gaps by organizational hierarchy, still want to stop my career opportunity for exposure to another strategic project. I just cannot brain that someone at upper level unconsciously bring down his own standard by creating a conflict with someone below him, which I think if I were at his place, I will not be doing so because someone lower than me is definitely not my league.  

I am fortunate because I got few colleagues who turned up to be #myexclusivecircle; giving wonderful advice and motivations for me to hold on and be resilient. I still hold closely to one of the advice from one of the managers that I met during my downtime; perhaps, this is actually what had been destined for you, and that person is just the asbab (means). In fact, Allah is never neither a second earlier nor a second too late. Enabling myself to look at this kind of positive angle always makes me feel relief, although that feeling may not be permanent. Again, a cliché reason is I am only human, and I break when I fall down.

The recent situation that I faced makes me try to connect with the book that I currently read, How Will You Measure Your Life. In one of the chapters, The School of Experiences, it did mentioned that “people who hit their first significant career roadblock after years of nonstop achievement often fall apart”. I am trying my best to strengthen my belief that this chapter of falling apart experience has something to teach me, and the outcomes will only be reap somewhere in future that only Allah knows when.

The only prayer that I have for myself is not to get crazy or affected with any mental health related illness as I strongly believe that THIS TOO, SHALL PASS.

Kapas Island, Marang, Terengganu

Till then, have a nice day. Wassalam~